wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
