Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
