and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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