Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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