My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So. Much. Porn.
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