So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
