It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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