Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
