she was so not down for the gang bang
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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