I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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