capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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