toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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