there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
