So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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