honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
