I'd wear matching sweaters with you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
