okay pat passed out under dana's car
even my farts smell like vagina
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
