roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
