420 ftw
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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