I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
