It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
