Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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