wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
