Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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