My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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