You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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