She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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