The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
