he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
