so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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