Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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