If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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