how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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