i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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