I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
