Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The power of my boobs compel you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
