Having a random hookup so left but love u
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
