i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
