i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
