Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize