did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize