After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
