We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
