i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
