when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's blow job season.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
