i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
