Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
