apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
