Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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