Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
