i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
