I cockslap morals
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
