have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
