i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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