There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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