i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i need some magic done to my vagina
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