Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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