i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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