my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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