i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
