How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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