Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
