What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
