It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
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He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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