Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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