after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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