I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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