thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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